


Up, Up and Away

by Ghos-Tea (GhostJ)



Series: The Adventure Goofs [3]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hockey, Feels, Gen, I Don't Even Know, Maybe Taako/Magnus if you squint, McElroy Pottymouth Warning, Team as Family, WTF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-09-22 09:16:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9600452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostJ/pseuds/Ghos-Tea
Summary: The Adventure Zone Hockey AU that NO ONE ASKED FOR.Mostly just an excuse to write team feels and include a brilliant one liner.And seriously Taako is goalie levels of crazy; let’s all be honest here.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So I can’t actually explain how much this fandom has eaten my brain, I mean, I think I’ve written as many fics in this last few weeks as I have in the last _couple of years_ , and- AND this is my second listen of the series. Why my brain is suddenly like “ALL THE FICS!!”? IDK guys.
> 
> So yeah, other warnings.  
> My exposure to hockey is like 99% from fandom (I’m Torontonian – I don’t support hockey; I _suffer_ through it) and so this is all made up, and **unbeta’d** (If you would like to beta random ficlets, please reach out! I will knit you adorable things or write you adorable things! Your choice, but they will. Be. _ADORABLE_.) Otherwise no spoilers, _since this is a hockey AU_ , although Taako still has adorable elf ears, because reasons, _ok?!_
> 
> I also feel that I need to mention, _zone of truth style - my internet homies_ , that I started this fic _before_ I re-listened to episode 4 of Petals to the Metal, which is where the goof about the Mighty Ducks comes from. I thought about this while sitting in a Mucho Burrito and _then_ listened to the ep – it was meant to be!
> 
> I am so, so grateful to everyone who has liked/commented on all the other insane fics that I've knocked out for this series. Honestly - thank you all so much. I hope you equally like this little bit of insanity and if you notice any goofs on my part, please don't hesitate to let me know (I'm writing / posting this after a wicked long day, it's probably not my most polished work).
> 
> Lastly, I do not own anything of these characters nor do I provide permission for this work to be remixed or reposted in any way.

"Away games are the WORST, amirite?” Taako asks, flopping down beside Magnus on the bus.

Magnus grits his teeth and continues to stare out the window at... Well, not a lot, honestly.

It's probably rolling just shy of 3 AM, going by the dash display Magnus can just make out in the window’s reflection, but he'll be damned if he won’t at least pretend that the inky void surrounding their coach isn't the most interesting thing in the world right now. It certainly beats staring moodily at the back of Merle’s headrest, or at the empty space beside him, which was, by general acclamation, Taako’s. Considering that tonight the goalie had walked right past his normal seat to go and slink up against Noelle, whose bulk typically ensured that she’d be left to herself, Magnus doesn’t feel the need to encourage Taako’s brand of early morning histrionics.

Taako though doesn't seem to need any encouragement, indeed, he rarely does.

“So, on a scale of one to ten, I’d say that we hit solidly around ‘Toronto’s chances of getting into the playoffs’.” Taako muses, reaching across Magnus to help himself to the unopened drink sitting in the far cup holder; blue flavoured, for all the Magnus will only drink clear and, even then, only under Robbie’s medical direction.

“Shut up, Taako.” Magnus hisses, still staring fixedly out of the window.

“No seriously, dude.” Taako expertly opens the bottle and removes the safety seal so he can flick it expertly at the back of Magnus’ head. “It was like the Mighty Ducks versus the Monstars, and _WE_ were the Monstars.”

“Look Taako. What do you want me to say? I fucked up, ok?” Magnus sounds resigned and angry in equal measure.

“No way, homie,” Taako drags the “endearment” out in his patented shtick – _a_ g _oalie’s gotta do **something** to get guys, Mags; ain't no one gonna see all of **this** with a mask on_. _“The team_ fucked up. We’re gonna need a whole new level of fuckery for your part in this shit-show.”

Magnus groans, dropping his face into his hands, which he immediately regrets when he accidentally pushes on his black eye, causing him to hiss loudly and jerk back up.

“Ha!” Magnus jerks, this time in surprise, at the sharp and annoyingly triumphant exclamation from the seat in front. “I knew that goddamn ice-scrapping-Wonderhole had gotten you. Here kid, put this on it.”

This time Magnus can’t hold back a yelp as an ice pack, _lovingly_ launched from the seat ahead, _thwaps_ across his bruised nose.

“For fucks sake, Merle,” Magnus swears at the older D-Man, reaching up to hold the pack against his eye.

“Don't look at me,” Merle grouses, peering between the seats. “I'm just helping out with some patented “healing magic”. Ask your seatmate why he fumbled the save.”

“Hey! I only catch when I'm on the ice; if you know what I mean, my man.” Taako says suggestively, his perfectly manicured eyebrows waggling up and down.

“Well, colour me surprised.” Merle deadpans, twisting fully in his chair and standing up on the seat to look over the back at his handiwork. The older player seeming completely oblivious to elbowing and waking up Avi, who’d been asleep in the seat beside him. “I guess _catching_ usually entails a second person participating, so you would be out of luck.”

“Well, fuck you old man,” Taako’s voice gets smug. “Let me tell you about this tall, dark, drink of water I’ve been-”

“Look, I'm sorry, guys. But can you, just, _not_?” Magnus cuts in, exasperation clear in his voice.

“Can we, not what?” Merle asks pointedly. “Blow off some steam? ‘Cause let me tell you, _Captain,_ not everyone was able to take part in a nice, relaxing, SIX PERSON BRAWL. Some of us had to do our fucking jobs tonight.”

Taako grabs _that_ pass easily, “Even if our Captain spent the last ten minutes of play sitting in the box with his hand down his jock strap.”

“It isn't like I wanted to be there!” Magnus snarls, turning his body so he can glare at Taako, while keeping the ice pack to his face.

“Funny that,” Merle says, obviously enjoying his peanut gallery-style additions. “Since that's typically what happens when you punch the fucking umpire!”

Magnus can hear several choked off snickers from around the bus even as he asks, “You mean the linesman, right?”

“I don't know. Maybe?” Merle replies, obviously uncaring about the correction. “How the hell should I know what they’re called?”

“You are literally a _fucking_ hockey player.” Taako hisses, disbelief evident in his voice. “It is your _goddamn job_ to know this shit.”

“Well, let’s be honest here, I'm not a very good hockey player.” Merle says, defiant.

“Look,” Taako says, “that's obviously not _anything_ we're ever going to deal with, so let's move the plot along, shall we?” He pointedly turns back to Magnus. “What do you think you were _doing_? And it had better be AH-fucking-MAZING, ‘cause I was _ON_ that ice and I have no idea what made you go all Phandalin out there.”

Magnus grimaces at the memory; sweeping the puck out of their end after a hard scramble behind the net, only to turn back and see Taako lying still across his crease with Lich, one of Wonderland’s top enforcers, standing over him… Well, things got a bit fuzzy after that.

“Look homie, Taako ain't saying that he don't appreciate you bringing the hurt down.” Taako’s long pointed ears twitch even as he avoids, for the first time in the conversation, looking at Magnus. “But cha’boi’s got his own skills and – ” He trails off.

“And having you sitting like a week old turd in the penalty box for _two_ games isn't going to be doing us any favours, dipshit.” Merle grumbles in conclusion.

“Yeah, what he said.” Taako agrees, nodding to a generalised murmur of agreement from the bus’ “sleeping” passengers.

“I mean, even if that douche of a ref said that Taako fucking deserved it for being such a pansied ass hockey player.” Merle continues, a bit too dismissive to be anything of the sort; D-Men aren’t known for their subtlety after all. “And that the ice is no place for a washed up B-list version of Gordon Ramsey. I mean, the three of us are, like, the only players on this _whole_ team who seem to fucking do _anything_. And, no - you don't fucking count, Ango.”  Merle directs this last at their fresh-from-the-Q back-up goalie, the only other passenger to have given up the pretence of sleeping; Avi having flung himself back down like a regency heroine.

“Look,” Magnus says. “I fucked up. I understand if this means that you want someone else to wear the “C” for the rest of the season, but I don't regret what I did, ok? Taako would have done the same for me. For any of us.”

The silence that followed that statement was less than reassuring, as everyone considered the comment’s central tenet and found it _extremely_ lacking.

“I'm a gonna have to stop you right there,” Taako interrupts, suddenly nonchalant and pulling out his cellphone to the incredulous looks of his teammates. “I'm going to need to make a quick phone call.”

“ _Bae-by_.” Taako’s voice takes on a wheedling quality once the call’s connected, obviously to a frequent contact considering how quickly the other party picked up at 3 AM. “You were at Wonderland filming tonight, weren't you? Oh! You saw the game in person, s’right? Nah, you know I’d need a better reason to go _down_ than Lich. Anyways, dreamboat, think you could see if any of your mics picked up what that douche-canoe of a ref was putting down before my man Magnus slugged him? Un Hun. Yeah. That would be fucking _boss_ , gorgeous. I'll tell you what? I’ll have a very _special_ reward waiting for when your flight gets in, ok my 'reaper man’?"

“Ahh, Taako? Sir?” Angus asks into the silence following Taako hanging up and returning the phone to his pocket. “Did you just order a hit on someone?”

“Only on their career, bubeleh.” Taako’s smirk is all smug retribution. “My Kravs got some serious connections and his boss is all kinds of supportive when it comes to ending bigoted asshats.”

“Thanks Taako,” Magnus almost chokes on the relief bubbling up. They’re far enough ahead in the points that they _can_ survive the two games without him, but...

“Not sure if it'll help _you_ out at all, Mags.” Taako waves his hands dismissively, rather unsuccessfully trying to draw attention away as his ears twitch and blush. “Call me a fucking b-list Gordon Ramsey, hun? Taako’s got twice that sizzle, my man.”

“Shut up and get some sleep,” Magnus huffs affectionately, rolling his eyes and pressing further against the ice pack at the sting. He sets an example, pillowing his head on his arm and leaning against the window’s glass.

“Yeah,” says Merle, turning around to sit back in his chair – a clear signally to the rest of the team that the show was over. “You heard the Captain; time to put away the nail polish and face masks; lights out, you jerkoffs.”

As everyone settles back down, Magnus feels a heavy weight lean against his side and, finally, feels himself start to relax.

“Thanks Mags,” Taako whispers only loud enough to reach Magnus’ ears as he rests his head on the Captain’s shoulder. “We'll get the fuckers next time.”

And so they did.

**Author's Note:**

> So the head cannon that goes along with this (characters of note)  
> Taako : Goalie (obviously)  
> Magnus : forward (Magnus rushes in) and Captain; first line  
> Merle : defence (oldest player on team, nicknamed "Dad")  
> Avi: defence  
> Killian : forward and assistant (?) captain; her line is in particular for penalty killing  
> Carey : defence  
> Noelle : defence  
> Angus : backup goalie  
> Robbie (Pringles) : team medic  
> Johan : PR manager  
> Director : GM  
> Davenport : Coach  
> Istus: new owner (just purchased - saving team from financial ruin)  
> Kravitz : head sports anchor/ media heartthrob for Fantasy NBC
> 
> I'm sure you need more people for a team, but these are really the ones we care about.


End file.
